close friends...and family « Thread Started on May 4, 2007, 5:56pm »
since i was six years old all that i can remeber is seeign death all around me.. when i was 6 my greatgrand mother anderson died as well as my greatgrandpa botts. and my aunt dorris i was close to them all well except dorris....she was a lil on the well as most family put it crazy side....so she was mostly in a home but i do kinda remember her.. and when i was ten another aunt died i didnt really no her that well but i was still really upset.. i have also lost a few friends... when i was in the 7th grade my friend laura donley died... she was hit by a car.. she wasnt even 12 yet. then 2 years later luke died in a car wreck.. ross died of a drug overdose. and a very close friend of mine austin vickers.. whom was like family to me (we were chemo buds. he was part of my loveing cancer family) died this year... 1 month and 1day before my birthday... so many other cancer famiily members have passed as well it has made me so sad.. in fact thats what my greatgrandmotehr and greatgrandfather died of was cancer... it makes me feel bad becuz i survived and they didnt.. but it makes me feel good to know they would be proud to know i didn't give up anyway all my life i have been suround by close friends and family dieing thats why im scared to make new friends. i miss all them so dearly it saddness me to know i will probally never see tehm again... well at least till i die..
Joined: Jul 2006 Gender: Female Posts: 43 Location: New Jersey
Re: close friends...and family « Reply #1 on May 5, 2007, 10:38am »
yea, i know how you feel hun. when i was two my dad had died. i was always told it was from heart related problems but only recently had i found out that he had killed himself. for such a long time i had felt so lonely and so sad because he wasn't here. and then my grandparents had passed away, one in the hospital from oldage and the other in his home from a heart attack. i guess you could say i had a pretty dark mentality for a while, even before their deaths. i'd draw and write some radical stuff in my journals and never tell anyone my thoughts. and then in my freshman year of highschool one of my friends had committed suicide, shot himself in the head. i'd always wondered the what-ifs, and whether or not my dad had died the same way (i never bothered to ask how he did it) that's when i started to SI pretty badly. it's terrible to lose someone, so many people so close to you. i wonder how life would've been if they were all here, how i would've turned out if they all weren't gone. for those who have lost, stay strong. ~<3 gen
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